He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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