Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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