we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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