i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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