ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I AM VODKA MAN
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
