She is in my trunk
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
