May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
