she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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