Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
