Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
we're so committed to being not committed
I enjoy the company of your penis
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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