i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
