Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
