I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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