We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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