In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
