That's intense
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize