were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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