It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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