I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
