I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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