in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
