I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
