U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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