i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
