Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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