you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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