I think my vagina is haunted
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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