I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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