I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
