im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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