Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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