i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
