So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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