It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
