after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize