The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
