I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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