I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
