it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
