I have demons in me.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
