His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
