guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
