He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize