the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize