Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
