i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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