Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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