Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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