this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
