Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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