Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
try to milk me bitch
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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