I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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