u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize