Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
