I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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