She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
