No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
