Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
