speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Your cock deserves a montage
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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