you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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