Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
