So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
