I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
