This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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